Always on my mind

Somewhere on the other side of the world, Shawn celebrated his birthday this month. He moved from being a boy into being a teen and I’m not sure how it was celebrated or even if it was. I am here, he is there, and therein lies the problem. I am aching to get to him. It’s the same feeling I had when I got the first updated pictures of our daughter. She was in China and I was here. She looked stoic, no light in her eyes. I longed to get to her, to see her happy. It was an ache that stayed with me until the sweet day that I felt the weight of her fill my arms. The day I heard her precious voice and felt her heart thumping against my chest. She was with me and whatever lay ahead, we were together and that was a huge comfort. For the past 8 years, I’ve had the joy of hearing my sweet girl’s laugh fill our home. She is an absolute treasure. I’ll never forget seeing her go from a much too serious faced todder to a giggling baby with light in her eyes! She was loved, she had a full tummy and she was happy. Don’t get me wrong, our girl grieved hard in our beginning months. She would go from that happy baby to withdrawn and raging. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea about adoption and the transition that follows, but we saw what she would become, even in those first few days and it was beautiful. I cannot imagine my life without that precious girl in it, just as I cannot imagine my life without Shawn in it.

There is so much I cannot control in his adoption. It honestly keeps me up in the still of the night and then the only thing I can do is pray. Pray for his protection, pray for provision to get to him, pray for the wisdom to love him well…I just pray. I would love it if you would pray for him too. He’s just a little boy, alone in this world with no mama to hold him, no one to tell him how special and loved he is. It breaks my heart. If you feel led, please donate to his adoption grant on Reece’s Rainbow in honor of his birthday. The link to our family’s grant is at the bottom of this blog. Here it is as well:

We are working tirelessly to raise the money we’ll need to have for his adoption but honestly, we need your help to get there. We are blessed beyond measure because through you, God has provided everything we have needed when we need it. We are so thankful for each of you. We are so thankful for our awesome God and his love and care for us. I know that when He calls us, He equips us for the task. I knew going in that it would be all God who got us to our boy and it has been! We had nothing to start with and little by little we have been covered. I am in complete awe of how He works and of the fact that He chooses to use me in His plans. I am a hot mess who needs His grace minute by minute to get me through and yet, He called me. Blows me away. He is longing to have us with Him just as we are longing to have Shawn with us.
“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. (‭John‬ ‭14‬:‭1-3‬ ESV)

Happy Birthday my sweet boy. Some day soon I’ll hold you in my arms, hear your sweet voice and delight over the miracle that is you. You will always be celebrated and you will always know that you are wanted and loved. You are always on my mind and always in my heart.


One thought on “Always on my mind

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s