A mama’s heart

“I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.”

John 14:18

I love this boy. I cannot explain how that is so, but it is so. I think of all the things I do not yet know about him. How his laugh sounds, what he likes to play, what he is afraid of. I realize I do not know even the basic things like the day he was born on, what he eats for his meals, how he spends his time or what his story is. For now, he is a beautiful mystery that I hope and pray I get a lifetime to unfold.

I spend my days stealing long glances at his sweet face on my phone. I study his features and try to guess what he’s feeling or thinking in the photo. I picture him riding in the car with my other kids, sitting at the breakfast table or sleeping soundly in their shared room. I live in this place for now, praying for the day when I will finally meet the boy that has my whole heart.

As we hit yet another snag in our adoption process this week, I’ve been thinking of him all the more. Longing to be where he is. Longing to know him and to be his mama. Longing to take care of him and to love and cherish him for who he is. Longing to hold him close and give him a safe place. I know that he is worth every single snag and the trials that come along with them. He is so very worth fighting for! I will do anything for him. I’m a mom and that’s what we do!

Moms will fight for their child when necessary, love them with every fiber of ourselves, hit our knees on their behalf and whisper a million thanks to God for giving us this honor and privilege. It is all at once breath taking, awe inspiring, frustrating and a job that I don’t ever feel quite qualified to undertake. Being a mom has made me painfully aware of my sinfulness. It has sent me running straight for my Heavenly Father and made me desperate for His strength and grace and mercy just to get through the day. Being a mom is the best way I could possibly imagine to spend my life and I am so thankful that I get to spend my life with these precious little people! I’m so thankful that in His wisdom, He created me to be a mom. I’m so thankful that He put “Shawn” in front of me and gave me a love for this boy that I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet.

We would love it if you could pray for “Shawn” and for this whole crazy process. Pray specifically that “Shawn” would be well taken care of and that the Lord would prepare his heart for a family. Please pray that we would find a good home study agency to continue our adoption. Pray for wisdom and the grace to wait on Him. I am not a good “waiter” you guys. I’m getting better because I have to, but it’s hard! I know that His timing is perfect. I know He’s always working, even when I can’t see it. I am confident of these things and I wonder what He is up to during our wait. 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings. Thank you for your prayers and support! We appreciate each and every one of you!

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