I realize that it’s been quite awhile since my last post. I know I have to be better about keeping this up to date, but truthfully, I have been struggling to stay positive. Who wants to read a bunch of depressing ramblings from me, I don’t even want to write them! Unless you’ve waited to bring a child home, you probably won’t relate to this, but I miss him. I just want to get to this boy that already has my heart. Things are at a stand still. We know now that we cannot pursue an “independent” adoption with the help of a facilitator only. We will have to use an adoption agency to oversee our in-country process in order to follow the new law going into effect on July 14th which mandates that we use an accredited adoption agency. This will mean added costs and delays. I’m trying to work out a way to proceed with our HS agency now. They haven’t gotten back to me on whether or not it will work or if it does work, how much extra it will be in fees. I’m frustrated and sad. I look at my son’s sweet face throughout the day and it kills me not to be able to get to him, at least to be making progress on getting to him! It’s been three weeks of nothing and it stinks. I know, God’s timing is perfect and it is! I know that He is working all the time, even when I can’t see it. Maybe I just need to see that in black and white to feel comforted by it, because sitting here and typing that does bring me some comfort.
Last week, He gave me wonderful surprises. They were sweet little bread crumbs that told me to keep on going, that this was the right path. Feeling discouraged and wondering how we would get the money we need to travel, I tuned into a podcast sermon and heard the words,
“Anything God calls you to do, He equips you to do it. Anything God calls you to do, He will enable you to do it. Anything God calls you to do, He assumes responsibility for the resources needed to carry it out. My responsibility is to respond and obey Him. His responsibility is the gifts, talents, abilities and resources.”
Later that week, I was really down, really thinking that we might have to accept that this wouldn’t happen and my heart would be broken. As I had just typed that text to my husband, I got a FB message from another mom adopting from Shawn’s region. She had a sweet update for me. Beautiful timing! I got to be reminded of who I’m fighting for, of why this and every struggle is so very worth it. As I was typing out my thank you to this sweet woman, I was reminded of the verse, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.'” Isaiah 30:21. It was the memory verse for my Sunday School class the previous week. I thought it was especially fitting for me to have that verse fresh in my mind. I knew, He was giving me this encouragement just when I needed it; telling me to keep going. Later that same day, I made a wrong turn and found myself driving by a park I’d wanted to check out for years but haven’t because it’s so far from our house. Why not? I turned into the park and let Asher play while Noah and I watched. A little guy walked up to Noah and started chatting away. He was super cute and he loved Noah! That led to his mom and I having a conversation while Noah entertained our boys. She immigrated to the US 12 years ago and actually speaks the same language that Shawn speaks! I told her about our adoption and she was so excited. She has a huge heart for adoption and appreciates what a difference a family will make in the life of an orphaned child. She told me that if he stays in his country, he has no hope, no future. She said that anytime I needed a translator, she would be more than happy to help me! She gave me a lot of insight into Shawn’s birth country and was so encouraging about the whole adoption. It was awesome! She said she’d never been to that particular park because she lives 35 minutes away and I admitted that I was there for the first time too because we lived so far away. She asked where I lived, turns out, we live down the road from each other- 3 miles apart! What are the chances? As we left the park, I told my son, Noah, it was a day that had God’s fingerprints all over it. 🙂
All of that to say, it has been challenging. The past month has been crazy busy with the kids’ schedules, I have been sick multiple times and our adoption has met some roadblocks to say the least! I am constantly being reminded that I cannot do this. I don’t have the resources or the energy to pull this off. I have to stay connected to Jesus. It’s the only way. He has everything I need and He will accomplish His will no matter what. I just have to be still and trust him.
Our HS agency just emailed me while I was writing this. They are working out a contract with our facilitation team. Thankfully, one of the reasons that I chose this particular HS agency was because they knew and have worked with our team in the past. They had wonderful things to say about working with them! That has been a huge blessing! Because of that relationship, they are willing to forge a partnership for the sake of completing our adoption. Please pray that we get an agreement in place so that our HS can continue and that God would provide the money we need to bring Shawn home. Pray above all for Shawn; that he would be well cared for and loved while he waits. Thank you so much for your prayers and support!